SAMMYDOG

Bunny's work day ends an hour after mine, and I like to walk home with them. Therefore, I stay at the grocery store for an extra hour. Usually I just sit around and wait, but near closing time is probably one of the best times to go grocery shopping. If I don't bother to take my apron off people will pull me aside, even if I'm pushing a grocery cart with my own stuff in it, apron not worn correctly, as obviously not working as possible.

Two occassions that stick out in my brain happened in the same day. The first person to pull me aside was a really timid man, barely speaking above a whisper as he calls out to me, obviously aware that I'm probably not on the clock. He asks if I work here. I look down at my apron, pull it up so that I can see the logo, and I say no. He has more than two braincells so he understands that I was making a joke.

A while later, I'm in a different isle, looking for god knows what. When an old man, blurts out. "SLOPPY JOE?" I whip my head around towards him, extremely confused because who wouldnt be confused. He continues to walk by. "Wheres the sloppy joe mix?" I don't reply, he walks right into it.

I still wear face masks, Kitty is imunocompromised and I have bad acne anyways. Usually, it's a mask with a little puppy dog mouth on it, but I couldn't find it one week. Instead, I wore a mask with a trans flag on it. My coworkers all know (or at least SHOULD KNOW) that I'm a trans man, so I felt safe wearing it. It was pride month anyways.

As I scoop some salad mix for a customer, a very old looking man, a conversation starts. "They make you wear a mask back there?"

"No, I just like to!" I reply. It's true, the mask mandate ended ages ago.

"What's that thing on it?"

"Huh?"

"That flag."

My heart starts to race.

"I've seen that flag on the news. What is it?" He continues.

I package his salad and quickly place it on the counter. "Here you go have a nice day!" I say as quickly as possible. He takes it and leaves, thankfully not pressing the subject further. I don't wear the mask to work anymore.

At least twice now, somebody waited until it was 5 minutes until closing to ask for 2 pounds of something. I hate these people. I've started to tell people we're closed 10 minutes before we close just so we can close on time.

One time I was getting impatient with a customer who wouldn't leave after he was served. I kept asking if he needed anything else. This man, old and bald, craned his wrinkly head back and said "What are you on your period?" I was so shocked I didn't even respond.

He came back a week later to complain about me, to me. (Completely unrelated thing. Apparently I didn't open a new thing of meat to let him try it? I have no recollection of doing that) He came in right before we closed to call me rude and all kinds of names!

Funny story, I was out sick that day. He mistook me for my coworker and went off on her. Which.. I don't even know how he managed mistake her long black hair for my short red hair.. but ok. She embaressed him so badly that nobody has seen him since.

When it's slow, and I'm bored, I slack off by doodling on the ticket cups. I like drawing little cows or kitties on it, cute shit. Or at least I used to, because somebody keeps fucking throwing them away! It's not any of my coworkers. I asked! It's some joyless fuck during morning shift! I dont know who you are but have some whimsy in your heart! Also triple fuck you for erasing the cow I drew on the whiteboard. Souless little bastard.

A kid came up to the counter with her parents to tell me what she wanted. She asked for a pound of colby jack! "Sure thing kiddo how do you want it cut?"

"Hmm.." She thinks long and hard, before saying with all of the confidence her little kid body could hold "Circle!"

I immedietly burst out laughing.

She immedietly starts crying.

No ammount of apologies and free cheese dried her tears. I think I traumatized that kid. I'm so sorry kiddo but that was so fucking funny. Unrelated by the way your mom is so fucking hot.

A different mom came up to the counter with her little boy to get him some cheese. I have never seen a kid so happy to be getting some cheese in his entire life. He was HYPED for that cheese. I gave him fome free cheese to sate his cheesey blood lust. Like the last kid he got colby jack. What is with kids and colby jack? What are they putting in that shit. Crack? It can't possibly be THAT fucking good*

*authors note I hate most kinds of cheese so I think I'm kinda biased here

I slice some cheese for a man in a cart-mobile (what the hell are those called? I dont care) and he playfully holds his hands up for me to toss it at him. I had a horrible vision of it smacking him in the face, and decided to walk around the counter and just hand it to him. He tells me I didn't have to do that, he could have gotten up, but I tell him it's really not an issue. The man comments on my metallica shirt, calling me a 'fellow metallica fan' and asking what my favorite song is. I panic, and say Sandman, which gets a nod of approval.

I don't like Metallica.

It took me not 1, not 2, but 3 tries to get a man's order right. He had a very thick lisp, and I have an audio processing disorder. I wanted to kill myself.

IHonestly, my audio processing problems are genuinely the worst part of having ADHD+Autism. Even if I give whoever is talking to me my full attention, if there is any outher sources of sound, and whoever is talking to me does not speak loudly and clearly, I will not understand anything. Which is impossible for me to achieve. You know what also doesn't help? I forget things extremely quickly and easily. I make a lot of people angry because I have to ask them to repeat something they just told me. It gets worse when I have to ask coworkers to repeat what they told me.

Me and Bunny are seen together, a lot. More often or not I'm holding their hand, or their apron if they're wearing it. I hug them a lot, visit them on their breaks, and basically follow them around like a lost baby duckling as I'm the clingiest bitch in the entire world. What do our coworkers think?

They think we're fucking SIBLINGS.

No no no you don't get it. This has been a fucking issue even BEFORE I WORKED AT KROGER. Bunny's corworker's have asked if I was their little brother since I appeared in their life. My corowkers have gotten into DEBATES ON WHICH OF US IS THE OLDEST?? (It's obviously Bunny BTW. Not only are they literally a year older than me but they're taller than me, and I more often than not have been mistaken for a teenage girl.)

It's so weird too! Because why on god's green earth would I refer to a sibling I am quite close to aS MY FUCKING ROOMATE.

When my coworkers guess my age they guess anywhere from 19 to 23?.. Is it because my voice dropped? Or because you have to be over 18 to use a slicer...

It started when a woman politely asked for me to change gloves. Her daughter is deathly allergic to cheese. "It's not a problem!" I tell her, changing gloves. I also tell her that none of our meat slicers ever touch the cheese, so her daughter doesnt need to worry about her meats being tainted.

And then she asks for some cheese.

I slice her cheese. And then I take off my gloves, double wrap the cheese in deli papers, tag it, bag it, bag it again, then I bag it again, and jsut for good measure I put it in a bigger bag.

"This is definetly overkill" I say as I hand her the 12 slices of cheese locked away in Fort Knox. She was thankful.

A man couldn't pronounce blanc grue gruyere so he called it Gwee gwee.

Gwee Gwee

If my closing coworker takes his last break after we close one more time, leaving me to do most of the work for upwards of 30 minutes to literally not coming back. I'm whooping his ass. Last night he cleaned 2 slicers and swept. I cleaned 2 slicers, did the dishes, took out the garbage, and cleaned the windows. I feel like he calls ME lazy behind my back.

You know what my greivences with him aren't over. This dude has a reputation for being very lazy, and taking shortcuts. I belive it.

He got suspended for a week before his vacation because he yelled at our other coworkers and claimed that we need him. I got left being the only one staying after 10 for about a month! I did pretty alright so...

From now on I'm gonna refer to him as Douche.

Lord have fucking mercy if I get Hamilton stuck my brain as I work one more time I'm going to scream.

Out of nowhere a coworker asked if he can call me 'Maxamillion.' I mean.. alright go crazy man. He's a really nice guy, very friendly and extroverted. Really likes Ted Lazlo. If I talk about him again I think I'm gonna refer to him as Lazlo just to keep him anon.

--The Hospital Arc--

Last Sunday, Bunny worked right though a really awful migrain. We thought it was just their wisdom tooth teaming up with their migrain kicking their ass. When they got home they started to shiver, but their body was practically on fire. We thought that the pain was just... really bad. They didn't move from bed all night.

Monday rolled around, they wouldn't eat. They couldn't eat. Everything they tried to eat, from a peice of pizza to 3 bites of a waffle, all of it was thrown up immedietly. I did my best to take care of them. I gave them any medicine we thought would help. Nothing seemed to work. I think I bought a themonetor either this day or the next. When I took their temp it was 101 degrees. We decided to take them to the ER if they don't improve. Migrains usually don't last this long for them..

Tuesday. Bunny hasn't improved in the slightest, so we convince their mom to take us to the ER. The doctors did all that they could. They gave them fluids and medicine through an IV.. which took at least 300 tries to get in. "You have really deep veins!" they said on the 3rd try. I think I would have killed myself after the first failed attempt. The medicine brought the migrain down from a 9 to a 6.

Wednesday. Bunny is feeling better, at least enough to stand and eat now. They still have a migrain, and they're still running a fever. Their girlfriend came over to visit. They spent some time in the comic shop near our place and I eventually joined them just in time to join them for coffee at the grocery store. We had an alright day but, they were still hurting.

Thursday to Friday, they weren't getting better but they weren't getting worse either.. Their fever stayed at 99, the headache a 6 to 7. About a 3 if they held completely still. I had to go to work without them Friday and had a horrible time. It feels wrong when I know they're not nearby. We were also completely slammed all throughout the day. The worst part about it was that I couldn't sneak away to get some comfort from them when their 2nd break rolled around.

A customer called me Mr. Max on the phone. That really stuck out with me.

Saturday. Because Bunny is missing so much work they decide to go to the hospital with Kitty. I still have to go to work. We need some income. I spent the entire day worrying about them.

The night before they looked up their symptons. Headaches and fevers arent supposed to go together, that's a sign of meningitus, which they've had at least twice before. When they get to the hospital thats what they open with, which the doctors take extremely seriously. They order a spinal tap on the poor thing.

It's meningitus. The ER doesn't have the equipment to treat that so Bunny has to be admitted into a different hospital. It's past closing time when I hear the news, I clean quickly and through my tears. I was in such a rush to get home I forgot to do stuff.

When I get home, the second I see the empty house, I break down. After holding in my tears as much as I could, seeing our home lifeless completely broke me. I gather up everything that I can. The laptop, the Ipad, all of our charger, and 2 of our stuffed animals. Oswald, and my moomin, who I asked to look after them. I end up having to shove it all into our laundry bag since Kitty took the backpack with them. I drag what feels like our entire life to the sandwhich place across the street and catch a ride to the hospital.

I arrive just in time to see them leave. The paramedics in the ambulance wont let us ride with them to the other hospital. Me and Kitty are basically stranded there now! So I put on a brave face and we order another uber. At least the guy driving us there was pretty interesting. It was a nice distraction.

We make it to the hospital, visiting hours are over and they barely want us visiting them anyways. But the nurses take pity on us, we're allowed an hour with them, which I take, as Kitty stays behind to get us a ride. I spend what time I can with them, hugging them, crying into them. We establish a plan for me to call in tommorow, and we come visit them for as long as we can.

Bunny has aseptic viral meninjitus. The least deady form of this thing that they can get. A doctor says that they are probably 'already over the halfway point' since all thats left if it is a migrain, a light fever, some appatite loss, and everything tasting kinda off. Which is good.

The worst part about all of this is just how lonely all of us are. We're not meant to be seperated.

Today is Sunday. August 20th. I wake up and call out of work like we planned. HR picks up, and he tries to guilt trip me into coming in. "Other people have called off today!" Well frankly I hope Douche didn't because he decided he doesn't like working the weekends anymore! You know the days we're busiest. I was completely alone in the middle of a rush Friday, and I would have really liked some more help Saturday when I was literally cleaning through my tears. I hope he suffers. We grab practically whatever the hell we deemed useful and get and Uber out of here.

After a debate with the nurses we're allowed to come visit them, as long as we know our risks and don't wander in and out. It's the first time they've been able to relax since they got admitted. Kitty and Bunny ended up falling asleep. But, I'm not tired, so here I am, writing away in my Basically blog. I feel really comforted watching them sleep, it's like something is finally right again. A doctor just came in and says they're in the right direction to recover. They might be able to leave tommorow if they're feeling better by then. I doubt it, in a doomer way, but a part of me hopes that this nightmare will be over soon. At the very least, I'm a lot calmer now, now that I know that they're going to recover from this. Our bank account might not but whatever.

I should be working on my webcomic right now...

We stayed the night, via the good graces of the nurses. So it's Monday now. Bunny is already feeling better. Releiving and.. also kind of infuriating in a way. They've spent at at least a week with horrible pain and when they get admitted, it's basically over as it started. It was nice to wake up next to them again at the very least. The doctor said we're free to go home! There's nothing left that they need to do!

Hours have passed, we're finally home. Its 2pm. Feels like we just woke up from a very bad nightmare. We're taking a moment to decompress, and I just got hit with some horrible fucking cramps where did these COME FROM?? AAAAAAAAAAAUUGH. Anyways, seeing Bunny at their desk and hearing them playing music is so releaving. Saturday was stressful, confusing, and scary for all of us, and even though we were together again Sunday, we weren't home, so everything stil felt off.

I feel like we can finally relax.

You wanna know the funny part? We went to the cafeteria to get lunch.

They must slice their meats fresh here, because on a shelf in the corner they advertised the products they sold here. Wanna know what brand of lunchmeats they slice?.

Boar's head. The same damn brand I slice at the deli.

God dammit.

A coworker got back from her vacation this week. Showed me some photos. When she showed me her screen everything was tinted yellow and blue.. weird.

Apparently Bunny's doctor's note excused them for not just last week.. but this week as well! They had no idea they weren't even expected to show up today and they were pissed.

Customer: "Hi can I get half pound of shaved ham."

Me: "Uh, sure. What kind of ham?"

Customer: "Shaved ham."

Me, tired: "No, I mean like, honey ham, blackforest ham.."

The fucking customer: "...Private Select."

I gave him blackforest.

We're supposed to ask how people want their meats and cheeses sliced but I decided to just, stop doing that. If they want it sliced a certain way they'll just tell me. I haven't gotten a single complaint so far.

For a week, my floor supervisor decided that we're just not working as hard as she wants us to. She had out asses scrubbing in places nobody has ever SEEN before. Under the slicers, under the tables, parts of said table that have never even seen the light of day. We were expected to wipe down the slicers after every use, or every 4 hours. Impossible on a busy day. Straight up trying to kill us. Scrubbing the floors like a maniac for 3 days in a row was.. not fun. Especially when she would occasionally walk in to chastise us about not cleaning hard enough. I was one bad day away from fucking quitting that day.

I had to clean the floor mats. The FLOOR MATS. She wanted us to soak them in ACID. Which is what we use to get rid of the chicken stuck to the racks. The mats are made of rubber, everyone agreed that they would have melted. My job was to spray down Every. Single. Mat. And I sprayed them down until they were fucking spotless. Floor supervisor gave me a ton of praise for that and I felt like a fucking god.

Hey you wanna know what else I had to do? Clean the drains! All of them. By myself. There was at least 5. They all stank like shit and made the entire deli smell like hell for the rest of the day. The day after I suffered Drain Hell, you wanna know what they found? A hidden drain! Nobody even knew that there was a drain even there! Which means it was never cleaned! Like ever! Soo I spent the next maybe 10? 20 mins? Cleaning out THE fucking nastiest drain you have ever seen in your life. Fucking traumatizing levels of gross. When I finished cleaning I got shit all over me and I stank like hell. My bravery did not go unnoticed. I should have gotten like 30 grand just for that alone.

If Douche takes another 30 min break I'm reducing him to fucking atoms.

Because Bunny's vacation is this week, I decided to put in a 'vacation' (unpaid time off that I didnt even think I was gonan get) along side them. When people asked why I was taking this vacation I paniced and said that I'm going to a funeral in my home state. Which, despite the fact that my manager definetly didn't give a shit and nobody else did either. I felt rlly bad because I'm not SUPPOSED to get a vacation yet. I had to make it sound like I didn't have a choice in the matter.

I know this isn't work related, but I got Bunny to start taking Magnesium every day. It's apparently been helping. They haven't had a really bad migrain in weeks. Nobody reads this but, if you do and you were worried about Bunny. They're doing fine.

I didn't sleep last night, but went into work anyways. Bunny told me I should have called in but I couldn't justify it with maybe 120 between us total. The day sucked, purely because I was exausted. In the middle of the day I could barely keep my eyes open but kept working anyways. Maybe I'm just too hard on myself, but I can barely ever justify taking unpaid time off without guilt. I feel selfish.

Shout out to everyone who comes in meer minutes before we closed right after we dismantle the slicers. And a very extra special shout out to the two old ladies who decided to stamp their feet and DEMAND that we put the slices back together and slice them something RIGHT NOW because it was only 5 minutes before we close and therefore we should be open. I want every old lady dead no matter what.

The store is going to let us wear "costumes" to work. I think I'm gonna go as a dog.

I got a haircut Monday, cut my hair super short into a weird little fauxhawk that I haven't tamed yet. Nobody really commented on it, well.. one person did.

"Did you get a haircut?" Said one of the older coworkers, noticing that I don't need to stuff an assload of hair into my tiny little hair net.

I look up, as if looking at the top of my head. "uhhmm.. no."

It got a good laugh out of her.

Is it normal to miss your coworkers when they're gone? One of my shift managers in on maternity leave and has been been for basically the entire month. Last I heard her kid was expected to come early. Hope she's okay, hope the baby's okay. On the nights where it was just me closing she kept me company. Even though I now have plenty of other coworkers to keep me company in her stead, it still feels kinda empty without here there yaknow?

A kid, probably preteen to teen, was on his phone and showing his mom(?) a picture if what he claims is a mermaid. He's 100% convinced that its real. It takes a little longer than I really think it should take a kid his age to convince him that its fake.

I bring this up because I had to physically hold back an infodump about how sailors back in the day mistook manitees for mermaids.

When I woke up this morning I checked the time. 11:11. "Oh huh, make a wish. I wish I'll have a good day at work today."

And then I did!

Dreams do come true!

.....I'm going to assume that tommorow is going to be absolutely horrible...

My half-sister's mother died.

The funeral is November 5th. That's in a week.

It went fine.

Yeah I don't really want to post about it here,

Black Friday and the weekend that follows came and went, pretty much without fanfair. It was PAINFULLY SLOW. Honestly why wouldnt it be who the fuck is going to be hunting for deals at a motherfucking grocery store.

"You got a haircut?" A coworker asked as I root through the cabinet for a hairnet. I turn around, confused.

"What? I got a haircut WEEKS ago!"

She shrugs. "I've never seen you without your hairnet! My hair was heavy enough to droop over my eyes if I didn't push it all back behind my ears before I put the hairnet on. Incredibly suprised that she never noticed.

The radios have started to slowly incorporate Christmas music into their lineup. It's Almost Time. Almost time to hear the worst fucking christmas music I'm ever going to hear for 8 hours straight. Getting Whammed might be a blessing. If I have to hear Justing Beiber's lil loser ass again I'm becoming the fucking Grinch.

Mental note. The baked chicken is much more flavorful than the fried. (and thats not saying much theyre both pretty bland.)

Christmas is slowly driving us all insane. The customers are getting meaner by the second. I feel like I've been skirting past the worst of the malice but I spent an entire day being pushed around by every little asshole that walked into this deli. What the fuck is it about chritstmas that makes you a HUGE BITCH?

A bitch wanted to talk to the managers because dip is too far away. do it do it do it i fucking dare you i hope you take this all the fucking way to the top i want to see which of them will crack first. do you people even hear yourself? asking this shit? what is wrong with you people???

I miss normal christmas music so much. I hate gentrified Christmas Time Is Here.

It's Feburary.

"Where have you been! What have you been doing!!" I hear nobody ask and I just, hey? Hey. Look at me?..

I hate my job now

Between rude ass customers constantly, lazy coworkers, and never getting the hours I ask for anymore, I feel like I'm seconds away from ripping my hair out every second of every day. Last week was agony, it was just me and one other guy the entire day and we were both losing our mind by the time we clocked out. What coworkers I do like are wonderful people. I get along with almost everyone there and they know how to get me through the worst of days, but I'm at the end of my rope here. I'm transferring to bakery.

In the middle of January I was going on week 2(!!) of 0 hours. Blame the fact that I got covid and our department is being forced to ration out their hours. (How? Why? Bunny works front end!! Those fucking disgusting senile walking piles of disease that shop at this store gave Bunny covid and in term gave us all covid) My department manager set me up with training in bakery, a department that I would already eye up when the customers swarm us, and let me tell you it was fucking heavenly. No constant stream of orders, no customers staring at me and bitching at me to serve them, just me and my cookies. It was blissful! Now that I have a taste of what in store for me I want MORE. I WANT THAT. The second I get the chance I'm getting out of this hellhole the second they give me a chance.

Personally though I would just burn this whole store down if I was given the chance.

I was immedietly rejected.

Hey, you wanna hear something funny? You wanna hear something REALLY funny?

I don't work in the Deli anymore!

Wanna know why? Manager pulled me aside and said (not verbatim) "Hey Spike! Customers complained that you're too slow and don't take their orders immedietly! I'm shoving you into a different department! What department do you think you would l- trick question we only have hours in pickup. Toodles! :)" So for the next hour or so I worked feeling fucking humiliated that another job has deemed me too slow and stupid to work there.

And then I glanced down at the schedual, somebody new has been written in on the bottom. For training. They knew I wanted to change departments, but just asking me to switch meant that I might say no. So they made it a punishment.

...

Haha.

--DELI DOG TRIALS--

Gwee Gwee

--The Hospital Arc--